24 July, 2018
Collecting My Bearings – 002
24 July, 2018 Location: Traverse City
Today was a good day. It was one of those days where I felt like the flow was carrying me more than I was directing myself. It’s Monday, which has become my “work day,” or publication day; it’s the day when I call-in and touch base with Nice Guys to plan for the week ahead. I like to have my weekly article’s done ahead of time, so during the call I learn about new products and different happenings to include in the emails I’m tasked with crafting, as part of my role as social media manager.
Since returning to Michigan I’ve been sleeping in late because I’m not used to the time change. It’s 1:20am Eastern Time Zone as I sit here and write this. This morning, for the second morning in a row I woke up in the van, parked in the Traverse City, MI Walmart parking lot. When I woke up I went to Bigby and finished working on a piece for Nice Guys before the call with my boss. I’ve found that I like to work at cafés on days when I publish articles.
My first night in Traverse City reminded me a lot of college; I grabbed an Uber from Walmart and got a ride to a bar downtown where I had a few drinks and tried to fit in, but the bar scenes always a challenge for me. I attempted to get a ride back, but the 3-mile ride was going to cost $46 so I decided to run.
The next day I went for a 40-mile bike ride from Traverse City to Old Mission Peninsula Lighthouse and back. A short ride turned into a long one and I was glad I stopped to pick up extra water because I failed to eat before leaving. Rookie mistakes.
This morning after doing some writing and updating social media for work I drove from the Bigby parking lot a little way toward home and stopped in a hotel parking lot to call in for my meeting. I might’ve also used the bathroom but nobody else needs to know that.
One of the bigger challenges I’ve faced with my new-found freedom is a heightened degree of indecisiveness. It’s as if I can go anywhere in the world, but nowhere at all. Okay, it’s not that bad. I only had to ask my girlfriend to pick a location for me to go…and she’s 2,500 miles away.
I didn’t go exactly where she suggested but I think I wound up where I was supposed be. That’s one thing she’s helped me see a little clearer – the best surprises come unexpectedly and usually after taking chances.
Realizing a dream
A few days ago, while I was driving the van I suddenly realized I was living my dream. It’s an actual thing I feel I’ve embodied, although it’s not always recognizable. I’m grateful for the situation in front of me and the people in my tribe.
One of the reasons I’ve grown to appreciate the practice of meditation is because it’s helped teach me how to sit in awareness and be thankful for the life experiences I’ve been given – the good ones and the challenging ones, because the challenging ones equip me with the tools to grow, and the good ones remind me of the love I’m capable of.
I occasionally place myself as victim in highly stressful situations, I’m not sure how I developed the pattern over the years but it’s clearly present. Thoughts come in and I run away with them far into the end-hole of my mind, but through practicing meditation it’s given me the tools to see my thoughts apart from myself, and rather than embodying each one into falsehood, I sit in awareness until the moment passes and a new state arises.
That’s the goal anyway!